Honest Questions To Ask Your Future Spouse Pt.1
Marriage is a big deal. It’s a serious endeavor. And that lovey-dovey honeymoon love will fade with time. Your love will change. Your lives will change. Your marriage will change. Marriage in real life is not what you imagine. So before you take the leap, make sure you ask your spouse-to-be the important foundational questions. Figure out where your expectations lie, what promises you’ll make, and get down to the real meat of the issues. Karaz’s Aisha lists the questions every couple should want honestly answered, in the first of this two-part article.
1. Why do you love me?
This sounds basic, and it is. But not in a silly-basic way…it really is the foundation. We love people because we “just love them” is not a good enough answer. You should want to know what exactly about you it is that your lover loves. What about you makes them feel the things they do? They should be able to spell it out.
2. Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?
Again, “because I love you” is not good enough. Things are going to change and that’s not to say that they wont love you anymore, but love is one piece of the puzzle. You should know if you want to go on the same journey, if you have the same destination in mind, if you share the same rules and hope to have the same life experiences with each other. These little goals are what make up life.
3. Will you work to keep the romance alive?
Many people give up or let go once marriage settles in. It takes effort to keep the romance alive, to be creative and to impress each other—especially as time goes on. But with a promise to each other and hard work, it is possible. Is it a priority?
4. Will you grow with me?
Promising to grow with each other is important, because many couples grow apart. You can’t predict the future, but there has to be something that always keeps you growing closer together over the years. You have to have goals and ambitions for yourselves and your marriage.
5. Will you endure the bad times with me?
Good times are awesome. They’re easy. But bad times…hardship and difficulties…that’s where the real test comes in. Many obstacles can either make or break a marriage. But once you make that commitment, that even in the face of tragedy you will always be by each other’s sides…then no matter what, you will have each other. It’s a conscious decision both parties have to make.
6. Are you willing to compromise?
This is hard. Sometimes, you have to let go of the battle. You have to pick your battles. You have to realize when it’s really worth it, or if it’s just a case of your ego getting in the way, or the need to be right, or a competitive streak in your body. But for marriage to work, everyone has to keep the peace at times. 99% of arguments are over opinions, not facts. Sometimes, you just have to agree to disagree.
7. Can you promise to keep us the priority?
Your marriage has to come first. There are always going to be job opportunities, experiences to be had, adventures to go on and more. But you can’t have your cake and eat it too. You can’t have everything. Sometimes, you just have to prioritize the relationship and your partner. If that becomes the foundation, you will find beauty in life because your relationship is what’s going to make it possible.